Yesterday I had to take the little stray kitten that has taken up residence with us to the vet. Our vet is my latest crush - I have a couple a year usually, all harmlessbut time consuming as they take up so much head space for a few months.
So, yesterday I dressed with care in a tight pencil skirt and a very soft jumper that screamed 'TOUCH ME', and with carefully applied make-up and more than a hint of Jo Malone I headed off to the appointment.
I waited my turn in growing anticipation fantasising about me n the vet sitting in a tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g. and all that childish stuff.
When it was my turn to go in I stood with now slightly damp knickers thanks to the fantasy world I had been occupying. I strutted past (couldn't do much else in my heels and the skirt that was ever so slightly too tight so that anything more than a wiggle wasn't possible)everyone else in the waiting room. Funny how people really do resemble their pets I thought as the jowly woman with the fat black lab glared at me and I swear the pinch faced old fella with the rat in a cage tried to grab my arse as I walked by.
I went in to the tiny confined space that is the examination room and one slightly lopsided smile from the 'just out of bed haired, stubble chinned' man himself had my womb contracting and letting loose a surge of pheromones - although that could also have been a tiny bit of wee as my bladder isn't as young as it used to be!
'Let's let her loose then' said he, jolting me from inside my head where he was about to bend me over the disinfectant smelling stainless table and take me to heaven. Thank God I regained my senses quickly and realised it was opening the carrier for the small black pussy to which he was referring.
We made small talk, well he made small talk while I swooned like a teenager at a Justin Bieber concert. She got her jab and as I handed him the immunisation record it happened...
Nooooo, I wouldn't be that lucky. No, the record is in a little plastic pocket with a sticky edge and as he took it from me I noticed too late that there was a wrapped sanitary towel stuck to it - fuck!! I looked at the floor dying of embarrassment as he handed it back to me obviously putting two and two together, what with the 'pheromone' smell and the pad he clearly thought he was dealing with a slightly deranged elderly woman who had serious incontinence issues!!! Fuck, fuck and double fuck.
I sloped off with my metaphorical tail well and truly between my damp legs and hid for the rest of the day.