NO I didn't get carried away after too many sherries and end up pregnant! On New Year's Eve a little black kitten was found in the garden by the blonde. It was very late and pitch black so how the fuck she saw it is anybody's guess, but she did and after knocking on doors the next day to see if there was a small red-eyed child still sobbing after losing his/her Christmas present we decided to keep it.

I never wanted the Ginger bastard two years ago when he was brought home as a kitten, but i have got used to the huge fucker and can anticipate his moods enough to rarely get caught by his claws or teeth. And he requires little more than feeding and the odd cuddle when he decides he will plonk his heaviness onto your lap. Mr Ginger bastard is unimpressed that a usurper has arrived to shit in a box in his kitchen and hisses at her whenever she comes within hissing distance. And I am unimpressed that I have yet another creature to buy and put out food for, as nobody else in this house bothers with pets once they are through the front door.

If you ask me there is little value to keeping a cat - they are not like dogs. Whoever said people own dogs but cats own people is dead right. They are ungrateful slanty eyed fuckers with Attitude and claws.
However, today I discovered there is some value to keeping a pet - any pet really, but it is conditional upon that pet being a bit sickly. I shall explain, after all, you have read this drivel up to now so you will probably read the rest.

The little black kitten - we shall call her Eve for she appeared on New Year's Eve - has a cough and is sneezing the whole time. She doesn't appear to be in any hurry to go anywhere so I took her to the vet today. And all I can say is thank God I am still in my 'get dressed up glamorously to stay at home' phase (happens every January, usually doesn't last too long, but I am thinking it might this time. Fucking Phwoar - The vet is one of the best looking men I have seen in a very long time, ok he might be 25 years too young for me but it can' hurt to look can it?

Now, I am not saying I would hurt the cats in order to see him again but I am in no hurry for Eve to get well too quickly either. And I have found myself looking out for injured animals on the roadside - well, an opportunity shouldn't be missed now should it?