I worry that I am going to go to hell. I don't believe you see, not in anything, I never have, and was always confident that after death there was just nothing - much like before being born. Now, though I desperately want to believe in something. I am terrified of dying, absolutely petrified of it.

I classed myself as an agnostic - willing to be convinced by God at the pearly gates - but aren't I just hedging my bets and do I really think it will work if I say to the great man himself 'oh, now I see you, I believe and you should let me in'.

So, now I think maybe I should start trying to get some Brownie points to offset the sins I have committed. BUT, if I am helping people in order to be allowed into heaven, surely I won't be admitted? Doesn't help have to be given alturistically? Or is it better to help others regardless? Maybe I should just continue to be a complete bitch - after all only the good die young so should I just live selfishly for a very long time?

I really need to figure out the points system so I can work out how many I need to cancel all the bad acts I have committed. I like the idea of a clean slate but need absolution to get it and only catholics get that before death don't they? I would pop over the road to the catholic chapel and see if the priest can help, but I fancied one once and you might say a bit of corruption went on under his cassock!! So, it probably isn't a good idea.

Oh fuck it, I will go and see if I can find an old lady to drag across the road, whether she likes it or not!