it's all about me, me, me

Read Kittens post this morning (can't link to anything - always get a blank page for some reason so sorry) anyway it was about no longer making an effort and whether we should have to. It made me think and indeed I did say in my comment that is it really so much of an effort to look nice for someone we would donate a kidney to if they were dying? I often look like shite yet expect hubby to fancy the arse off me even if I am still in my PJ's with unbrushed teeth and skanky hair and a mood not disimilar to a rabid tigress with PMT. I would never go out with friends without pulling a brush through my hair, slapping on some warpaint and spritzing on a bit of perfume, yet I will go out with hubby looking like a bag lady he has dragged in off the street! He never asks me to put any make up on nor does he tell me what to wear, claiming he doesn't care either way, but he does react better to me when I am looking and feeling better about myself. So if i can't do it for him, I should at least do it for myself.

I think the test of how we should leave the house or indeed even be slopping around in the house, is how we would feel if we bumped into someone we knew and admired.

Why do we treat our friends much better than our 'significant' others? Hubby often tells me that I am so kind to my friends, yet I catch myself often treating him in ways I would never dream of doing to them, why is that? Do we feel that we can act in whatever way we want to without thinking of someone elses feelings just because they put a ring on it? Do we think they deserve less consideration than a friend? Should they not be our very best friend?

I am ashamed of the way I behave toward him at times and I shall try to do better - today at least x

These boots would be wonderful if the builders lay down tarmac or indeed let me step on them so I don't sink into the mud!

And here is the lovely gilet

I found a lovely house, well ok, it is a bit crappy but there is a ruin in the grounds that on first sight hubby thought we could buy and do up to live in - until he looked into it further!! This is it, isn't it fabulous?

I have always hankered after a folly so we could always do up the crappy house and keep the ruin as just that! I think it is really gorgeous and hubby has at least agreed to go and have a look - will keep you posted x

I took a week off blog as I had let everything slide in the real world. I don’t have to do much around the house – the cleaning and ironing are done by the Polish shotputter, so really I am just responsible for the grocery shopping and cooking – and even then we eat out at least twice a week. So, it was with utter astonishment that hubby looked at me last week and asked why there were no clean towels! An oversight you might think? But I have 35 bath towels and there wasn’t one clean one!!! I had also resorted to buying him new underwear as I hadn't done the washing!! FFS, how had things got this bad? Blogging, that’s how. I realised that apart from an hour in the gym it is all I pretty much do. So, a break was needed.
I wrote a list of things that needed doing and worked my way through it. I have now
• Made and written all my Christmas cards
• Taken all the excess crap from the blonde’s room to the charity shop
• Phoned friends that I had neglected
• Caught up with all my ‘real world’ emails
• Organised singing lessons for the blonde
• Sorted my study and sold a shedload of stuff
• Got the blonde’s passport photos – it runs out on Dec 9th
• Sorted out the clothes in the spare bedroom – they were threatening to take over the whole room.
• Written 2 chapters of my book
• I have also played board games with my daughter, spent time with my husband and made a much needed hair appointment for myself
• Oh, and I am sure you will all heave a big sigh of relief to know that the towel cupboard is now back to full capacity and hubby's knicker drawer is full!

So, now I am back, but I am NOT going to sit on here day after day to the exclusion of living a life in the real world. I love being on blog, and have made some wonderful friends on here, but I cannot let it take over my whole life. I will still be around most days but I will not be on here from dawn til dusk anymore so if I don’t comment on every single one of your posts please forgive me, and if you cannot, then delete me from your friends list – I will understand and won’t hold it against you. I would rather make considered comments on friends posts than flippant throwaway remarks made without thought. x

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
Of course, there are some people i wouldn't bother with at all otherwise

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
As long as the lights are off or he has no legs to run away anytime.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The left - I am forced to though, I prefer the middle

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
I am married, have 300 pairs of shoes but don't work - so yeah!

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yep

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
Haven't watched any for ages - you don't want 'carry on nobbin the donkey' knocking around when you have kids, but I read it.

7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Depends on my mood

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
There are different kinds of love, so yeah

9. Would you choose love or money?
Love don't pay the bills so Money.

10. Your top three favourite kinks in bed?
Does a threesome count as one kink?

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
I don't have a line

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
I guess on a beach, but there aren't really romantic places, just romantic people

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In a telephone box.

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
My stepdaughter caught us when she was 15 and we hadn't been together long, so the light was on - it scarred her for life!

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
NO, I would expect to be bought a drink as well.

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yep, and regretted it the next morning due to too many shots to be able to make an informed decision and ending up with a kermit lookalike in bed next to me!

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes lots of times

18. Had sex in a movie theatre?
Yes.

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes.

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
Yes.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes.

23. Do you own any sex toys?
Yes - if a now rusty rabbit counts

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Yes.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
I have had sex with people and not known their name!

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
Absofuckinlutely

27. What's your favourite sexual position?
I would love to say something really adventurous here but to be honest I like it with me on top.

28. What's your favourite sex act?
Mutual munching

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Yes.

30. How many bloggers do you think will post this meme this week?
Everyone has pretty much done it already I think

Won't be around for a little while - just to let you know, back in due course though x

Thanks to Seaside man on askoranswer blog I have now managed to block bebo. I have done so because the blonde has been spending time on there chatting to her mates, but some of them are 2 years older than her and there seems to be flirting going on - totally unsuitable for a 10year old! I did speak to her but as she uses the computer for other stuff unless one of us stands over her it is impossible to police it.

I feel like a complete cow for blocking the site, but can't help being relieved that when you try and access it, it just says windows cannot access the page and not YOUR BITCH MUM HAS BLOCKED THE SITE - GO AND STAB HER WITH A KNITTING NEEDLE!

Will now have a stroppy kid around the place who will be bemused by it all and hate the computer for a while - until she discovers that it has indeed been blocked and finds a way to unblock it that is! Kids, dontcha just love em?

I worry that I am going to go to hell. I don't believe you see, not in anything, I never have, and was always confident that after death there was just nothing - much like before being born. Now, though I desperately want to believe in something. I am terrified of dying, absolutely petrified of it.

I classed myself as an agnostic - willing to be convinced by God at the pearly gates - but aren't I just hedging my bets and do I really think it will work if I say to the great man himself 'oh, now I see you, I believe and you should let me in'.

So, now I think maybe I should start trying to get some Brownie points to offset the sins I have committed. BUT, if I am helping people in order to be allowed into heaven, surely I won't be admitted? Doesn't help have to be given alturistically? Or is it better to help others regardless? Maybe I should just continue to be a complete bitch - after all only the good die young so should I just live selfishly for a very long time?

I really need to figure out the points system so I can work out how many I need to cancel all the bad acts I have committed. I like the idea of a clean slate but need absolution to get it and only catholics get that before death don't they? I would pop over the road to the catholic chapel and see if the priest can help, but I fancied one once and you might say a bit of corruption went on under his cassock!! So, it probably isn't a good idea.

Oh fuck it, I will go and see if I can find an old lady to drag across the road, whether she likes it or not!

Had a lovely evening yesterday in the pub, some of us made the effort and dressed up for Halloween. I made my hat myself and although I didn't get a rousing chorus of 'where did you get that hat' when I entered the bar I was still rather pleased with it - it took me 20 minutes you know!
Hubby looked very confused once I was ready as he had thought I had said I was going as a PILOT!
Two of the lads went down and set up some spooks in the trees that lit up - all very cool, except for the bloody rain! There was a girl doing fire juggling too.
Anyhow, just thought I would let you know a good time was had by all and here is me, some friends and my hat.

Last weekend whilst catching up with friends I haven't seen in over a year there were comments about my weight. Now, we all know I have been going to the gym so you would think they were compliments - NO, they were not. Everyone said I had porked on the pounds! I denied this vehemently fully believing I hadn't. I then realised that I was about a stone lighter this time last year, but couldn't have been as toned right? WRONG!
Caught sight of self in photos and a shop mirror yesterday which made me gag! I am really very fat - I weighed myself at the gym today and the 5 pounds that I lost has come back after one measly weekend on the beer. It's not fair, I am trying really hard and getting nowhere.

So, this is the plan;
Tomorrow and Sunday I am going to eat, drink and be bloody merry (bloody mary is also possible as am at halloween do tomorrow night) and I am going to give the exercise a miss.
BUT
Monday, I am going to have to step up the pace and try and eat a bit less too, at least until Christmas. i probably need to lose the stone I will gain over the festive period.

Honestly, I feel i have let myself down, after those weeks last year on that vile diet shake I have just let all the weight pile back on again.